It’s a lot

Wednesday. October 28, 2026.

I hope that title didn’t scare you. There is good news. I am currently on a 2-cycle vacation from Dato-DXd infusions. My latest was scheduled for this past Monday, October 26. With the support of both my oncologists, I opted not to take a chair that day. My next infusion will be on Monday, December 7. It really feels good to take this break and allow my body an extended recovery time beyond the 21-day cycle that has been my routine since May 19, 2025.

But…

The CT scans on October 14 revealed a tiny amount of growth in nodules in both the left and right lung. I met with Dr. Huppert that same day, and after we got the results I posed the question, “could the metastasis in my lungs be a different type of cancer than triple negative?” She thought it was unlikely but possible and suggested considering a lung biopsy. She said that as long as the nodule was big enough and in a safe location, we could get an answer to a question that has been unresolved since October 2021. To me knowledge is power. I gave her an enthusiastic yes.

After reviewing the CT scans, it turned out the affected nodule in my right lung is in a safe location and big enough to get a good tissue sample. Last week I had a conversation with the woman at UCSF Interventional Pulmonology who will be my surgeon. She gave a thorough explanation of the procedure, which is called Endobronchial ultrasound (EBUS) guided transbronchial needle aspiration (TBNA) and Robotic bronchoscopy assisted transbronchial biopsy. Now that’s a mouthful. Basically I will be intubated under general anesthesia. They will go down my throat and into my lung. Tissue will be harvested from the lung nodule, extracted and tested. It is an extremely safe out patient procedure, so thankfully I will be sleeping in my own bed that night. I am scheduled for Monday, November 9.

Huppert and I also talked about some visual anomalies I’ve experienced recently. They are called ocular auras and can manifest in a few different ways. For me it is shimmering zigzag lines in the shape of a circular saw blade, only small and transparent. I haven’t had any now for a couple months. To be on the safe side, a brain MRI has been scheduled for early January when I will be at UCSF for my next CT scans and regular visit with Dr. Huppert. I’ve never had a brain scan, so to me this is a good thing. Like I mentioned earlier…knowledge is power. And another of my favorite mantras…it’s nothing until they tell you it’s something. And if it is something, I’d rather know than not know. Surprises just aren’t my thing.

I know this is a lot to process all at once. But that is the nature of this disease. The unpredictability. My care team works extremely hard to stay ahead of the continuous assault going on inside my body. Any little thing that is out of the ordinary is cause for suspicion and exploration. You can’t let your guard down. And still, I’m taking this time off.

I know it’s a bit of a risk and a little scary, but it is calculated on my part. The thing that is going on in my lungs is persistent but slow growing. To give my body a break from this never-ending chemical assault is a gift on so many levels, not the least of which is my mental health. And I feel lucky that the progression and management of my cancer is currently at a point that a break at this stage is not unreasonable. More so, it feels necessary. I might not ever get a treatment vacation again. It’s a fact that I remind myself of every day. So I am going to savor it. Luxuriate in it. And most of all be grateful for it.

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It’s a transformative experience to simply pause instead of immediately filling up the space. —Pema Chödrön