Guardedly optimistic

March 1, 2021. It’s only been three months since I swallowed my last dose of Xeloda. Somehow it feels much longer. I guess it’s because so much has happened since then. Like Christmas and a new president.

This past week I had a three-month follow-up that included a PET scan, two CT scans and an in-office visit with Dr. Rugo. Good news. All the images looked good. I can almost hear your collective sigh of relief. I am happy to check this milestone off the list. In early June I go back for a repeat of the three scans, plus an MRI and a bone density followed by another in-office check-up. That is a hurdle that looms large for me. After all, it was just last January, during my 6-month follow-up after surgery, we discovered the cancer had returned.

I’ve found that my life has gotten very quiet. And not just outwardly. This leg of my journey is a bit like living in limbo land. The social distancing only adds to the feeling. It’s been hard to get motivated to do much of anything, especially writing. Perhaps after my June appointment I’ll feel more ambitious, more motivated, not so boring.

There are the weekly (mostly) walks/hikes with the girls that gets me outdoors and moving. Their company feeds my soul. Steve and I go grocery shopping every other Tuesday and check out the outside world a little bit. I’ve resumed a twice-daily meditation practice that I really enjoy and has been good for my recovery.

Mostly it’s one day at a time. Not looking too far ahead. Mindful of the shadow we (Steve and I) have lived under since September 2018. Guardedly optimistic.

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. —African Proverb