Upside Down

Saturday, June 27, 2020. There’s been a long pause since my last post. Nearly two months. The treatments have left my brain feeling mushy and it’s hard to get inspired to sit down and share. With our world in such an upside down state, sharing my personal cancer journey feels so boring right now. Like I’m a broken record. You know, same shit different day.

The good news is I’m done with radiation and all the redness and slight blistering have disappeared. All in all, I tolerated it really well. The only way to tell I had anything done is that the skin where I was radiated has a color reminiscent of the muddy brown you turn after a bad sunburn.

radiationBellAs a reward for completing the radiation treatments, I got to ring the celebratory bell. It was anticlimactic given I was the only one present for the actual ringing. No fellow radiation patients. No staff encouraging me to “ring that bell.” No family members or friends cheering in support. Just me and the bell. It left me feeling like, big deal. So what. Upside down.

I’m just happy the treatments are behind me. I really hated getting zapped every day.

Once the radiation ended, my oral chemo doses doubled. My next appointment with Dr. Rugo is in about a week and a half. At that point I expect the dose to increase again. I’ll also find out how much longer I’m expected to take it. My guess is through September. 

The side effects continue to be manageable, my immune system remains stable, I have all my hair, blah, blah, blah. Compared to the world at large, I’m doing great.

I look forward to that glorious day when the rest of the world is doing great, too. The wounds we all suffer now are so deep. The pain so intense. The fear overwhelming. I long for the day when our upside down world has begun to heal. Healthy and united. Right side up.

Stay safe. Be well. Share the love.

Only if we understand, can we care. Only if we care, will we help. Only if we help, shall all be saved. — Jane Goodall

8 Replies to “Upside Down”

  1. Oh sweet Lana, I feel the heaviness of your response which should feel like a celebration. I too find it hard to “rise to he occasion,” all too often for my liking.
    I am looking forward to the day when we can, greet each other with a hug and celebrate the end of this journey with C.
    I love and miss you and am so grateful that things are trending in the right direction. Can’t wait to celebrate YOU❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. One closer step to being done with treatment. It’s good that you could do the radiation close to home. I hope the side effects of the increased chemo continue to be manageable to the degree that they can be.

    Yes, it’s an upside down world. I wish more people would wear masks. November can’t come soon enough. Neither can the time when you’ll be done with your treatment once and for all!

    Please post again after your next meeting with Dr. Rugo. Sending lots of love to you and Steve.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are often in my thoughts and prayers. Crazy stuff right now! You and Steve stay safe and well. Hoping the increased chemo continues to be manageable. As for ringing the bell, you weren’t alone, girl! We were all right there with you, if not in physical presence, surrounding you with love & celebrating your victory! Until we can actually be together, I’m sending you big hugs❣🤗 Always just a message away! 😘💕

    Liked by 1 person

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