Throw me a bone

I have to admit that writing a new entry for my blog can sometimes be challenging. I often feel like a broken record. You know the old saying SSDD (same shit different day). That’s how my progress and continued side effects seems most days. I’m not going backward, but I’m not going forward either. It’s kind of like cancer limbo. I have metastatic cancer, but, for now, it’s just sitting there, doing nothing. You can’t help but feel like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So last week when I saw Dr. Rugo, I kept thinking just throw me a bone. Anything. The tiniest appetizer bone would be so welcome. So I went to my appointment after having CT scans the day before, and true to my course, nothing had changed. But then she said, let’s have you start coming in every 6 weeks rather than once a month. There it was. That little bone I’d been hoping for. And given the gas prices in California, it felt like more than a tiny appetizer.

It’s amazing how the smallest thing can feel like a minor victory. Steve and I left feeling uplifted. Encouraged.

Then on Friday I got my tumor marker test results back. For the first time since December, it dropped from 14.5 in April to 11.8. The encouragement continues to grow.

My treatment remains the same. My side effects, especially my hands and feet, are always a little bit worse from week to week. But, for now at least, it feels like it just might be worth it.

No longer forward or behind I look in hope or fear; but, grateful, take the good I find, the best of now and here. —John Greenleaf Whittier