Posted on by Lana Eberhard

SSDD

June 29, 2023. I’ve been pretty quiet lately simply because my life’s routines seem a little bit like the movie “Groundhog’s Day.” Each trip to San Francisco is slightly different than the last, but unwaveringly similar. Like the old saying–Same Shit Different Day.

Yesterday I drove to UCSF for CT scans, completing Cycle 8, Day 21 . The results were Groundhog’s Dayish and succinctly summarized as follows:

IMPRESSION:
Right-sided pulmonary nodules are stable to slightly increased in size. No new suspicious pulmonary nodules.

It’s the slight increase in size that took my breath away a bit. Because what I haven’t shared is that my last two Carcinoembryonic Antigen results have slightly increased as well from 12.4 on May 3 to 13.6 on May 24 to 14.6 on June 14. I’ve been hoping it wasn’t going to amount to anything, that the nodules in my right lung were going to finally get on board and start decreasing in size. So, to me, this is a little red flag that the Sacituzumab might not be working anymore.

I’m certain these results will be the main topic of discussion when I see Dr. Rugo on July 5. Do we wait and see if the size increase continues when I get CTs again in 6 weeks? Do we reassess the viability of me remaining in this clinical trial and explore what other options should be considered? She has said there are other options. The time has come to find out what those options are.

When I reflect on my reaction to these latest results, I consider what a friend said to me recently after just learning that I’m in a trial. He said, “be frustrated and mad and bitter and also be able to accept the love we can give to you.” I have to wonder, is that how I’m perceived…frustrated and mad and bitter? I texted him back that I’m none of those things. What I am is “accepting of my disease and the crazy art of surviving.” And I am. I’ve never thought of myself any other way. I hope you don’t either.

22 Replies to “SSDD”

  1. I most definitely don’t perceive you as frustrated and bitter! I have to say that the day we had that long phone call shortly after my diagnosis, your peace of minded expressed when discussing where this trial might, or might not, take you brought a sense of acceptance for me as well. Acceptance that if Lana can endure this extended fight and still have the attitude that “it is what it is”, then I’m not going to be a weenie either! I love you and your positive and uplifting spirit. Your head is in a good place.

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  2. Hi Lana, thank you for the update. I wish this cancer shit weren’t happening to you. I have never had any hint of you being bitter, mad or even frustrated. Your grace throughout this phase of your life has been so admirable and yes, heroic in my mind. You make me want to be a better human. I have my own health challenges and I bitch and moan like crazy. I wish we lived closer. Hugs, Mary

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  3. Dear Lana,
    I love the photo of you with a big smile.
    I’m sorry to learn of the results but know that you are in the care of some amazingly smart and compassionate humans.
    I have never thought of you as being frustrated or mad but rather resilient in your consistent fight to live.
    I love you dearly and am continuing to hold you in my thoughts and prayers. xoxox

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  4. Omg you are never bitter!! Neither one of us ever said why me!! We are not excited about having Cancer we accept it and fight it! Love you so much sweet one 😘😘❤️

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  6. Dear Lana, Never would I think of you as frustrated, mad or bitter. I think of you as ” Here it is, now what can I do about it” You are a problem solver and a very strong person who loves living your life. You will continue to do so. Hugs to you Lana. Love you Patty?

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  7. We have never noticed one ounce of bitterness. We notice love, acceptance, appreciation, and yearning. We trust that you and your team will continue on whatever path that feels right to you and hope that the meeting on the 5th will provide the information you need. Sending prayers and loving you are forever present for us.

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  8. And yes, I noticed that you have been quieter of late Lana. & Hoping for that positive change in results. We are still and always with you on this crazy ride of treatment trials. ❤️ Tamara

    Sent from Proton Mail for iOS

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  9. To our precious Lana – it troubles us you are worried WHAT WE THINK – OMG you have managed this journey with such grace. I have learned so much from your detailed and inquisitive approach along your journey – and that you take the time to write it so that we can all understand and appreciate your experience. If anyone has earned the right to be frustrated IT IS YOU! I don’t read bitterness in your remarks ever – frustration maybe, but WHO WOULDN’T!? Keep fighting the fight – – feel ALL the feelings and continue to share how you are impacted day to day – our prayers continue for healing and that you and Steve can love and live your life – hugs from Idaho.

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  10. Just said to myself, Lana has been very quiet lately and open my email.
    Lana you ae full of grace. love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. The strongest women I know right now. Love you much and remember you have a strong army behind you! Stay positive

    Liked by 1 person

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