June 29, 2023. I’ve been pretty quiet lately simply because my life’s routines seem a little bit like the movie “Groundhog’s Day.” Each trip to San Francisco is slightly different than the last, but unwaveringly similar. Like the old saying–Same Shit Different Day.
Yesterday I drove to UCSF for CT scans, completing Cycle 8, Day 21 . The results were Groundhog’s Dayish and succinctly summarized as follows:
IMPRESSION:
Right-sided pulmonary nodules are stable to slightly increased in size. No new suspicious pulmonary nodules.
It’s the slight increase in size that took my breath away a bit. Because what I haven’t shared is that my last two Carcinoembryonic Antigen results have slightly increased as well from 12.4 on May 3 to 13.6 on May 24 to 14.6 on June 14. I’ve been hoping it wasn’t going to amount to anything, that the nodules in my right lung were going to finally get on board and start decreasing in size. So, to me, this is a little red flag that the Sacituzumab might not be working anymore.
I’m certain these results will be the main topic of discussion when I see Dr. Rugo on July 5. Do we wait and see if the size increase continues when I get CTs again in 6 weeks? Do we reassess the viability of me remaining in this clinical trial and explore what other options should be considered? She has said there are other options. The time has come to find out what those options are.
When I reflect on my reaction to these latest results, I consider what a friend said to me recently after just learning that I’m in a trial. He said, “be frustrated and mad and bitter and also be able to accept the love we can give to you.” I have to wonder, is that how I’m perceived…frustrated and mad and bitter? I texted him back that I’m none of those things. What I am is “accepting of my disease and the crazy art of surviving.” And I am. I’ve never thought of myself any other way. I hope you don’t either.
lana has cancer 