I drank the kool-aid

Thursday, July 11, 2019. I’m just going to keep this simple. When Steve and I met with Dr. Rugo on Monday I told her that I would like this to be my last chemo. These treatments have been a huge struggle not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. I’ve tried to rise above it, but…

Just saying those words out loud, “I want this to be my last chemo,” I immediately felt lighter. I felt like smiling. I felt like I’d made the right decision.

Surprisingly, Rugo did not try to talk me out of it. Of course she was disappointed. But I asked her what the benefit was for 4 vs 3 rounds of the “A.” She said there wasn’t any data on it. I said 4 treatments is the protocol, right? And she said yes.

I then asked her to set me up to have my port removed on July 22. She wrote the order, and then said she would see me in 6 weeks. Six weeks!

After departing hugs, Steve and I headed to the 5th floor for my final chemo. I was flooded with a sense of good fortune and even joy when my favorite oncology nurse Lisa was the one who came to get me. It felt like a sign that stopping treatment really was the right thing to do. As we walked arm-in-arm into the infusion room, I told her how lucky I felt that she would be giving me my last treatment. She, in turn, said that she was the lucky one.



And so, I truly am on my way to recovery. As sick as I have been since my treatment on Monday, I keep reminding myself that this is it. It doesn’t seem quite real yet, but once the port is out I think I will really believe it.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. —Steve Jobs