Guardedly optimistic

March 1, 2021. It’s only been three months since I swallowed my last dose of Xeloda. Somehow it feels much longer. I guess it’s because so much has happened since then. Like Christmas and a new president.

This past week I had a three-month follow-up that included a PET scan, two CT scans and an in-office visit with Dr. Rugo. Good news. All the images looked good. I can almost hear your collective sigh of relief. I am happy to check this milestone off the list. In early June I go back for a repeat of the three scans, plus an MRI and a bone density followed by another in-office check-up. That is a hurdle that looms large for me. After all, it was just last January, during my 6-month follow-up after surgery, we discovered the cancer had returned.

I’ve found that my life has gotten very quiet. And not just outwardly. This leg of my journey is a bit like living in limbo land. The social distancing only adds to the feeling. It’s been hard to get motivated to do much of anything, especially writing. Perhaps after my June appointment I’ll feel more ambitious, more motivated, not so boring.

There are the weekly (mostly) walks/hikes with the girls that gets me outdoors and moving. Their company feeds my soul. Steve and I go grocery shopping every other Tuesday and check out the outside world a little bit. I’ve resumed a twice-daily meditation practice that I really enjoy and has been good for my recovery.

Mostly it’s one day at a time. Not looking too far ahead. Mindful of the shadow we (Steve and I) have lived under since September 2018. Guardedly optimistic.

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. —African Proverb

22 Replies to “Guardedly optimistic”

  1. Limbo land is the perfect description for sure. I’m really glad that we aren’t required to really do The Limbo, or I’d be in big trouble! Sounds like good progress is being made in your recovery Lana. I’m very happy to hear that! And I love to hear that you are getting out on walks. Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, that’s quite a fantastic photo of you celebrating the good news. Your 6 month check up will undoubtedly be the same. IT’S JUST GOT TO BE!!! Your meditation practice must be helping you to be present.

    Hope to see you before too long.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You and Steve remain in my daily prayers-it is comforting to say your name outloud-feels like you’re just next door. I know God has a special plan for you little friend-love you

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, this is good news!! I’m so happy to hear this! I was just thinking of you when I found your post. You are always in my thoughts & prayers even if I haven’t been very communicative. Sending you big hugs, my dear friend! Love you❣


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